Recently someone choose to pass judgment on my current decisions and situations.....on livejournal. Which is semi-hillarious because even though I haven't checked it a billion years there was definatly a possibility of seeing it, which I did....

" Shauna. Shauna's personality hasn't really changed, although her goals in life have. This makes me sad because while I didn't really think she would've succeeded in acting, I think that people should at least try to achieve their ideal goal. I realize this is less of her choice and more the fault of her vagina but still."

Yeah....good thing i sucked at acting so much I was accepted into pretty decent programs. But that even though cruel and bitch even more than that I am tired of people thinking that I'm completly screwing over my live because I'm pregnant. Obviously it wasn't planned and the pill and condoms are supposed to prevent it but everything happens for a reason and i truly believe that. Ideal goals change.
I am 20, which although is still pretty young is when some people start having children.
I am with someone I really love and plan on spending the rest of my life with.
I didn't think I was ready but I am seriously accepting this and robin and have started looking forward to it.

I'm sorry if growing up means changing but not all of us are lucky enough to live with our moms; not work and not go to school. It sucks that you couldn't get student loans for oklahoma but dont use it as an excuse. If you wanted bad enough you would find away, and in the meantime why don't you try doing something with your life?
Maybe if it seems like everyone around you is changing then you should re-examine your own life and wonder why you're not.

I know that I haven't used this in a billion years, but its getting incrediable difficult to vocalize my feelings without Robin or one of his friends sharing their concerns. I changed my relationship status to single because i requested a relationship confirmation to Robin ages ago and i just got tired of his excuses. I know that seems really pathetic, to be upset that he doesn't want/need/desire/whatever the population of facebook to know we are dating. Although im sure the majority of friends have realized that we have been together since january...but heck thats only 9 months. News must travel slower in Point than it does in wausau. Unless its on facebook or myspace then everyone is in the know and calling and asked why we broke up, etc.
I need to get out of Wisconsin.
Blaine broke my heart and now it is painful to be 10 mile radius of Wausau, it makes me feel weird when i pass him on the streets or see him at a gas station.
And to make all matters worse he moved here to be with me, and i broke up with robin to be with him. And then he dates a 17 year old.
So I'm moving to South Carolina.
Not just because of that but I need a way out. I dont think robin's the 'one' for me, but i do care about him and hate when he cries. and he does cry, whenever the word 'break' comes up. I hate boys that cry - i guess they are more sensative, but god damn it be a man.
It makes me feel like a horrible person to be with robin. It makes me feel like a slut, a cheat, a bitch. He's really nice, but nice isn't what i want, or whatever works.
I always attempt to hold on the the boys who are jerks, Anyone remember Leroy? god im still not even close to being over him.
There is something seriously wrong with me.

What the fuck happened to "we'll always be best friends" "I'm going to miss you so much" "write me every week"?
Jesse just fucking called me just to say " you suck dick"
not only is that really mature but also a really nice sentiment.
i hate that i cried about it
i hate that next time i seem him i want to fucking punch him.
i hate that i will now (because of his cruel actions) be seriously hurt if my friends hang out with him when he comes home.
i hope he dies almost and realizes how cruel he is.

I have very many new friends. Unfortunatly they are all boys. not that i'm complaining, I just miss abrielle. and lynn. Lynn will be home soon though.

I hope that ben shares one of his days with me.

I have a super sweet sleepover with a bunch of 9 year olds on saturday. boy am i pumped.

Karlee - we are dancing tomorrow - .

I'm tired. and bored.

Tyler is working. Gabby is sleeping because she worked til 6 this morning. Curt and Dave and LEEroy are in Luxemburg till monday.

I want to hang out with Eric soon.

I want to hang out with ABRIELLE soon too.

Gabby and I might road trip to Green Bay.

 

This is going to become a friends only journal
so if you read this and aren't my friend but think you should be comment and i will add you.

4 days with jesse did not go as wanted.
however we left on good terms...he always manages to do that(just so i miss him like crazy for the next month)

I will be able to talk to him and letters will be sent and a visit is being planned.

All in all things should be getting less hate filled and crazy within the next week.
but then again my lynn is going to be gone at poms camp and I will be lost.
which is why one person who knows who she is will need to hang out with me and be seen being scene.

A night in plover is also in the 'planning' there will be grilled cheese of various sorts and assorted juices and amazing desserts. not to mention feeding ducks and imitating the quacks.

Training for Coldstone is going well. Lynn and I are the popular ones. Everyone loves us and wants to be near us for sure.

we work with really nice people. I remember some of their names even. Matt, Dennis, Ellen, Emily, Stephannie, Britta, and GABBY.

life in general is somewhat lame.

BTW i am trying to become a vegetarian.

 

 

Jesse comes home tomorrow.

I'm terrified.

I got into a really bad car accident last night.

My car is completely totalled.

I cried a lot.

I'm not severly hurt (though there is some bruising on my face and stomache and my nose is huge and i have a small burn area on my arm from the air bag).

It was really weird because right before I left the house my parents and I were talking about how fast something can happen,
and i said that recent events made me realize how much i want to let everyone know all the time that I love them a lot. So before i left i gave them both a really big hug and told them I loved them.

Apparently as soon as I left my dad got really sick and knew something was going to happen.

I wants sunflowers and phone calls right now.

And to everyone that this applies I want you all to know that you mean worlds to me.

It feels like we are more not together than are.

And that's how I like it.

 

I have a crush.

Don't tell though because it's a SECRET.

 

Things used to be so simple

There were times sharing peanutbutter M&M's and tacos.

There were times without tears and sad endings.

There were times where holding took place everywhere.

There were times where pure love was enough. 

I miss him.

12 days distance me.

jesse left for canada last monday. It's been a week and a day, sadly I have a week and 6 days left of missing him like crazy. I'm going with to pick him up from base camp and he will get to spend four days home. Everyone is warned these four days are mine. Afterwards he will return to camp where he will work for the remainder of the summer. This will be sad too. On the brightside (or the lightest side possible) I will be able to talk to him on the phone, and I will visit him as often as I am welcome.

i love him.

Our situation is complicated, i'm not sure what we are but it feels more like we are together than not.

i need those four days to redefine our relationship.

happier notes, Lynn and I both got jobs. Coldstone Creamery. We'll work together and it will be fun.

I'm still looking for another job.

Is it bad that I have forgotten how to flirt, I'm sure I could manage...but it feels wrongs?

It feels like i'm cheating.

I dont want anyone else, it wouldn't be fair.

I've been making new friends.